


See you later, Old Goat

by triscuit



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-05
Updated: 2012-03-05
Packaged: 2017-11-01 13:00:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/357070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triscuit/pseuds/triscuit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gamzee vents his feelings toward his neglectful custodian in his absence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	See you later, Old Goat

It was strange, seeking comfort in something that was always right out of your reach. But there was nothing more relaxing than the sound of that water sloshing up on the shore, the foam settling on the beach. He could spend hours staring at it, careful that not even one wandering toe had gotten caught in the sea before him. He always wondered what that water felt like, if it was cold as ice or maybe even just as comfortable as the water in his ablution trap. This would just have to remain a mystery. There was no way he’d ever dare to go out, not when the Old Goat had warned him against it.

Despite being used to waiting for hours, something just felt different this night. Maybe it was just the beach not being as comfortable as it always used to be; maybe it was the fact that his husktop only shown his friends’ absence. His mind was wandering, and the twisting feeling in his stomach made this all the more unsettling. There were questions popping up in his mind, questions he so desperately did not want to answer. It seemed almost impossible to ignore these thoughts, the same thoughts that made things feel far too real, the same thoughts that tore open the numbing sensation he found so much solace in.

Gamzee couldn’t help but turn inward, dragging his knees to his chest as the sand scrapped against those bare feet. He rested his chin upon those pants, the smearing of the greasepaint going by unnoticed. Tilting his head a bit, he tried to force his mind elsewhere, anywhere but where it wanted to so desperately go. It would’ve been better to think of his best friend, to think of some slam poetry session with Tavros. Hell, even just thinking about those uncomfortable conversations he had with Equius would’ve been much nicer than this.

Starting to dig those nails into the thin fabric of those pants, he soon felt that smile of his changing. The slow twist into a grimace as his brows arched was followed by a sudden outburst, “Maybe it is all my motherfucking fault. I did something to piss you off, that’s why you don’t want to see me anymore.” The light hold on the fabric turned into twisting, nearly ripping it as his grip was growing impossibly tight. “If I just was a sea dweller none of this shit would’ve happened. You would be here right by my side right this fucking second! If I just could get a stupid set of gills, or fins, or whatever those motherfuckers need to be able to go in the water! Is that why I’m a piece of shit that you don’t even want to spend one fucking hour with?

“You know what?” He growled, starting to slowly stand up, the grip on the clothing releasing. He could feel his whole face was twisting into something unfamiliar and furious. Leaning down, he ripped one of those cold rocks out of the sand, running the soft pads of his fingers along the rough edges. “Maybe I don’t motherfucking need you to care about me. Maybe you should be fucking grateful that I even wait for your ass!” Practically feeling his elbow snap as he hurled the sharp stone to sea, the loud splash of water caused his ears to tilt slightly. It was a sound he always associated with his lusus coming home, and now it was getting twisted up in this psychological mess.

Somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to care; he just wanted the other to pay for all the shit he pulled. Grabbing for another slightly larger stone, he hurled that one out as well, grinning at the splash this time. The soft pang of guilt in his stomach would go by ignored, however. He deserved this; he deserved to say how angry this all made him. “Fuck you, and fuck your bullshit way of raising me! Oh wait, you didn’t fucking raise me. Every day this motherfucker just had to take care of himself, he just had to wait by this stupid fucking beach and wait for you to decide when he was worth seeing.

“The only piece of shit advice you ever gave him was to stay out of this stupid water! Well you know what? I’m not listening to that shit either, I don’t have to.” He could practically feel his blood boiling at this point, the loud pounding at the back of his head hurting more than ever as he stomped his feet into the easily yielding sand. Quickly approaching the shore, his toes just barely touched the edge of the water. All it took was one step, he’d prove him wrong with one step, and he’d be able to defy that one rule ever given to him.

It almost felt as if he wouldn’t hit ground as the water gave way to the intruding leg. The suddenly solid feeling of those even sharper rocks quickly gave him a steady place to stand, the other leg following after as he snapped his head up to cautiously survey the area before him. He was almost breathless, gasping uselessly as the suddenly chilly feeling had a shiver biting up his spine. His legs were starting to cramp, but that adrenaline running through him wasn’t going to let him quit now.

Taking a few more strides into the water so that it was brushing against his hips, he could feel that frantic breathing growing into a whine. Gamzee raised his arms above his head in a defensive position, those shaky gasps quickly leaving him. His whole body was growing rigid as the thin fabric clung to him, the soaked cloth rather weighty in the sea. That didn’t matter though, the discomfort meant nothing compared to the feeling of defiance. The defiance was met with that string of guilt growing thicker and thicker, knotting up in his stomach as his shoulders bunched up from uncertainty.

Snapping out of his trance, Gamzee slammed his hands against the water, his voice cracking as he cried out, “I fucking hate you! I hate you for everything! My life would be perfect if I had a better lusus. I would do anything to fucking get you out of my life! I wish you would just drop dead already! It’s not like I’d notice if you never came back!” The moment those words escaped from him, those palms slapped against his mouth to silence himself.

The freezing water sloshed against him, rapidly following the regret that washed over the young troll. Eyes tearing up as that salty brine started to pour over his cheeks; he started to try to smear those tears away. The grease paint easily gave way as he hurriedly tried to hide that sudden vulnerability. Starting to back up to make an escape for that shore his ankle caught on one of the rocks.

With an abrupt splash, he soon found his head submerged underwater, the sour taste of fear in his throat as he forced himself back up, uselessly flapping about. Fingers splayed as he dug into the choppy waves, he awkwardly got himself standing in the relatively shallow water. He could feel that bite of humiliation eating away at him, cheeks flushed as he made his way to shore.

Grabbing for his husktop, the soggy and emotionally distraught troll found his way back into his hive, settling in to lick his wounds and put himself back together.

As the hours passed, he did manage to find entertainment in talking to his best friend. Gamzee had even started to feel as if everything was back to normal, as if the emotional outburst was nothing more than another unpleasant dream. His excitement was even roused as his ears perked up from hearing that familiar roll of waves that signaled his guardian was back. Getting up off the floor, he managed a quick goodbye before he felt the cool sand beneath his feet once more.

Nearly losing his breath as he rushed to see the Old Goat he didn’t seem to notice the metallic smell filling the air. That broad smile was on his lips as he wrapped arms around the familiar face of his lusus, resting his cheek against the… well, not as warm flesh as he remembered it to be. Brows furrowing at this odd sensation, he backed away for a moment, the sudden taste of that blood filling his lungs as felt the acid of bile biting at the back of his throat.

Dread was drowning him as he slowly looked to the water, that familiar indigo lacing in with the foam of that ocean. Almost terrified that his lusus would smell that salt on him as well, it only took him a moment to realize how trivial such a fear was. Letting out an emotional outburst seemed to be the natural reaction to an event of this magnitude, but instead the small troll simply made his way back to the Old Goat.

Holding onto him gently, he started to whisper words of comfort. Every phrase was spoken evenly; those words picked carefully to ensure his guardian would be able to relax as the pain was faded away. Soothingly running his hands along the familiar contours of his weather worn caretaker, he rested his head against him, hearing his own heartbeat as the other faded away. There wasn’t a hint of urgency in Gamzee’s voice, nor were there words of anger. Words of forgiveness didn’t seem to come to mind either, turning his focus to letting go for one last time.

As that body was growing cold, he said that one familiar phrase he always found himself saying when he came near that water.

“I’ll see you later, Old Goat.”


End file.
